Regrets & Smiles
by Tibby Rose
Summary: 'And even if you're practically drowning in regrets, you can't help but smile a little because Puck told you the one thing you needed to hear, the one thing Finn didn't tell you.'


**A/N: PQ, Pre-Pilot. I might make this into a 3 part story, but you know, here's the first part, or only part. Slight F/Q, P/S and B/S.**

You're not sure what it is about Noah Puckerman, and you never have been. He's never just been there like the other guys. He's different-yet you can't figure out whether he's different in a good or bad way. You know you shouldn't like him-he drinks and he parties and he makes out with Santana Lopez and he's everything you should hate, but you don't.

You're sitting down on the grass in his front yard, at one of his parties. You only came because Finn was going, and Finn's the guy you want._ Should_ want. He comes up behind you-Puck, not Finn, that is-and sits down. You turn to glare at him.

"Problem, princess?" he smirks and you narrow your eyes "Not allowed to sit on my own lawn?"

You straighten your shoulders and open your mouth to say something sharp, hoping he'll leave you alone, but your hand brushes his, and you're lost for words. It's slightly rough, but it's warm and a respectable size, unlike Finn's hands, with his long fingers and the palm the length of her cheek.

You notice Puck's gone silent too, and you look up from the hands and look into his eyes, the ones that are watching you so intently. It makes your mouth go dry and your heart beat faster, but it also reminds you that you're Quinn Fabray and this is Noah Puckerman.

"If you'll excuse me" you announce, pulling your hand back and standing up, breaking the connection "I have to go find Finn. At least he's not a complete idiot."

The words burn your tongue and you want to talk them back, and not only because Puck's smarter than Finn-it more the flash of hurt that crossed his eyes. But instead, you turn away from him and walk into the house, and ask Finn to take you home.

With a moment's hesitation he does, and although you don't see Noah Puckerman for the rest of the night, he stays on your mind well past it.

...

The first time you kiss him is at Brittany's party a few months later.

You're standing there, in your bright blue dress, holding Finn's hand when you spot him. He's sitting at a table with Santana and Brittany, making The Latina roll her eyes and the blonde laugh. You don't want to go over, because you're afraid of what you'll do if you do, but Finn starts heading over, and you reluctantly follow.

"Finn, my bro" Puck grins, pumping fists with Finn. He turns to you next, and his eyes darken slightly "Fabray."

"Puckerman" you reply, returning his gaze. He stares back at you, and you resist the urge to slap him and kiss him at the same time. Instead, you wait till he looks away. Finn hasn't noticed but Santana sure has, and with a scoff she announces she needs a drink, dragging you and Brittany along with her.

"I don't drink" you remind her bitterly, although you would kill for a nice big gulp of one right now. She smirks and folds her arms across her chest.

"I know you don't, Saint Fabray. But I do know that you have a thing for Puckerman" You open your mouth to argue, but she cuts you off "Look. I already can't fuck Finn because of you, so leave Puck to the experts, okay?"

She glares at you one last time, before holding up her pinky, which Brittany linked with her own "Yeah, what San said" Brittany nodded, before giving you a bright smile and wave "Bye Quinn!"

You watch the pair walk off in disbelief. You want to inform Santana that Puck isn't hers, until you realize Puck isn't yours either. You turn around to walk away, but smack into a familiar body.

"What was that, Puckerman?" you demand, and he shrugs.

"I'm just standing here, Q" he replies easily "What did Santana want to talk you about?"

You want to tell him it's none of his business, and that he should leave you alone, but you don't "She just came to say that she thinks I like you and that I should lay off" he smiled and opened his mouth, but you quickly added "I don't like you."

Puck shrugs, that ever present smirk on his face "Don't listen to her. Santana's with Brittany anyway."

Your eyes open with shock; because you highly doubted Santana Lopez would be in to girls, and girls don't belong with girls anyway, just like Fabray's don't belong with Puckerman's. It's not the way of The Lord. He's still watching you with that look, so you pick up a plastic cup from the table beside you and swallow the liquid.

"Don't tell anyone though" Puck continued "She'll kill me if I do. She doesn't even know I know. The only reason I do know is because I've seen the way she looks at Brittany. It kinda reminds me of how I look at you."

You almost choke on your drink, but you manage to swallow and ask a question instead "And what look is that?"

"The look that says you want to be with them." He takes a step towards you and you have to bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling. Instead, you do something that you hope has more meaning than a smile "Okay. I won't tell if you don't tell anyone about this."

And you press your mouth to his, hoping he'll be too stunned to notice you slip away and find Finn. You also hope it was quick enough no one saw, because that would spark rumours, and could possibly ruin your reputation.

Nobody sees it though-or if they do, they don't remember. Except for you, and you do want to forget it so you don't feel the need for him anymore, and Puck, who just wishes you would do it again.

...

It's only a few months after that when you lose your virginity to him, a result of feeling fat. You blame the wine coolers too, even though you weren't even drunk. You only had one, and you couldn't even finish it because the picture of Jesus kept creeping into your thoughts. If only you knew that what you were about to do would be worse.

"I can't drink this" you inform him, holding out the half empty bottle. He rolls his eyes but takes it, placing it down on the floor.

"Say it again" you demand, scooting closer to him. He raises his head and his eyebrow. "Say it again" you repeat, holding his face in your hands so he's looking right at you.

He smiles "You're not fat, Quinn. I don't dig fat chicks."

You smile back and put your mouth on his, dropping your hands to his torso. He kisses you back, resting his own hands on his thighs, before you push him back so he's lying down. He pulls you down with him, and you're soon making out. It progresses from there of course, and when he gets dressed later on that night, you're stuck wondering what you just did.

"We can never speak of this. You grab your stuff and leave. And what happened never leaves this room" you tell him, and he nods

"Sure, Q."

You nod towards the almost full pack of wine coolers, plus the two other bottles, and he gets it, picking them up. He goes over to the window, before turning back to you "You're not fat."

And just like that, he's gone.

And even if you're practically drowning in regrets, you can't help but smile a little because Puck told you the one thing you needed to hear, the one thing Finn didn't tell you.


End file.
